We had a comment on an earlier post that I would love to discuss. I think it is a very important thing. Communication is very important in an open adoption, long distance or close. My adoption is close, but I just adjusted it to act more like a long distance--less visits, more updates. I thought it would be really awkward talking to my couple about this (what if they get offended, what if they forget about me, etc.) and my fears were immediately crushed when they we only concerned if they were doing enough for me. My advice is to just call them and have a frank discussion about what you want and need.
That's my advice, but what do you think? This is what she said::
I wish I better knew how to make a long distance open adoption work. I feel awkward calling up cuz I haven't seen them in 6 months. Most of the girls I know have adoptions where the couple lives close. How does long distance work?
Any one want to write a post about this? Contact me at afchaptersmp@gmail.com
I hope you can figure it out. That would be hard. Maybe emails? Do they have a blog you can see? Do you have a case worker that you can contact? sometimes they will contact the couple for you. I hope you can find a solution. HUGS
ReplyDeleteI placed my son 6 years ago. When I placed we only lived about 45 minutes apart. I got married two years ago and moved from Utah to Washington. It was a hard transition for me. I didn't know when I'd be able to have another visit if ever. When I lived close to them all correspondance was sent through the agency and occassional emails. Now that there is distance we write to each other's home address and still occasionally e-mail. We also just this year exchanged phone numbers. I was able to have a visit in march. We still keep communication open. I still get letters and pictures. My advise is tell the couple what you need have it be more updates, emails, phone calls etc. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI would suggest having the case worker (if possible) schedule for you times to chat. Online or Skype or even times to call and chat. I don't think there is any harm in that. From my understanding, the agency is there for the birth parents rights first! As it should be. I would just make a date every week or every month whatever your comfy with and plan on talking. Write down a head of time on paper things you might want to talk about so there is no quiet awkward moments. Skype is free, Face book has chat and many other places on the internet if money is an issue. Skype is great cause you can set up a camera and see each other even :) GOOD LUCK! Maybe plan yearly visits?
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